Sunset Boat
My Journey

Prelude

It’s the first of August and eight days until my 40th birthday. This year has been entirely mental, and July ended in spectacular fashion, so to not be outdone by the events that preceded it. Yesterday was a tough one, and this past week taught me a lot. Most importantly, it showed me that I need to trust my intuition (she’s usually right).

This is just a moment in my journey. While the road will eternally have its ups and downs, I am in the best place mentally than ever before and getting older only means I have more tools to keep me happy and healthy along the way.

July was full of excitement and acceptance of who I am, and I have no regrets. I met a lot of amazing people, strengthened bonds of friendship, and rekindled a passion for people, which I lost a bit while focusing on work. It gave me the skill to remove myself from the equation and see people honestly. As I closed out July, I’m sharing with you what I learned and where it is taking me next.

If what people say and do are not aligned, they are on their own journey of self-discovery. What they say shouldn’t be taken as a reflection of your worth, value adds, or expressions, because their mission isn’t about you, it’s about them. You have only been a part of their process of balancing who they were and who they want, or are on the path, to become. They, in turn, will only receive what they are willing to receive, and that’s okay.

We are all only temporary players in others’ lives, taking on the roles that need filling as we feel another requires them. When you choose to go into those roles raw, without a mask or guise, soul open for receiving, there is a vulnerability that is unmatched in how it makes you feel liberated. Still, as it happens, there is also a feeling of horror and dread, anxiety even, for much of our past experiences come fluttering in, telling us to retreat so as not to feel the impending gobsmack from those receiving you in that state. While that fear can be overwhelming, we shouldn’t shy away from being who we are and being open with one another. Conversations won’t always be easy, or feel natural, but we should still have them and learn through the discourse.

Our capabilities and possibilities are endless if we nurture them. If we surrender to who we are, accept ourselves, and then grow from an honest starting point, the journey becomes much clearer, the decisions are less painful. We stop worrying about what others think, only taking in the words of others a perspective and not a framework to live by. We convince ourselves that the journey we end up on may interrupt the plans we made as our past self when in the end, our current self may have ideas of its own, and we need to listen.

I recently started reading David Whyte’s work, and here is one excerpt that hit home and kick-started my decision to write again.

“The ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self, the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.”

– David Whyte excerpt from “Friendship” in CONSOLATIONS ©2015 David Whyte & Many Rivers Press

In August, I’m going to take a different approach to sharing myself and lean into the openness I allowed in July, in person and virtually. All that I have shared thus far are destinations or moments of me physically in a place. I’m going to flip the perspective from an outward gaze to introspection and share with you how I changed, or are changing, through experiencing places, traveling, activities, and self-reflection. I am curious about what path will present itself on that journey.

The only goals I’m giving myself are to be unabashed and honest in who I am and write every day to pull the thoughts from circling in my head to a plane with which to reflect. I have written a lot through July, and it feels like the time is right to finish my book. It feels natural to share all that I have learned along the way with those on the journey with me, and those I have yet to come across. I hope what I share is received with the same intent as when it was created.

This is Itinerary Unknown.