My Journey

In Between Expectations and Lost

Some days I wake up and feel like something is missing. I have energy. I feel like I am doing the right things. I’m making good decisions. I feel relatively positive today, but I don’t feel balanced. Something is missing.

It can happen, and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong, but it is always good to listen to what your body is telling you, even if you don’t believe it.

This year, I have spent much of it alone due to the global pandemic, and I think the thing I am missing is some steady people in my life again. After a while, I want to travel with people and have people to lean on when I need them and have that support unit close. I think that is one thing I have missed since I moved to Europe. I don’t feel like I need anyone, but that security is hard to come by in a new country and when traveling for extended periods. At some point, you want to go towards the familiar to reset and feel safe. Meeting up with people I know, or think I know, can help fill the void for a while, but the feeling always creeps back.

I’m not sure what I need to feel whole and balanced, but I am working on it.

I may also be craving adventure. I have felt stagnant for a while, and even though I have done a lot in the past few weeks, I still feel stuck. I booked some outdoor activities in the next couple of weekends to hopefully get me out of the funk and feeling complete. I wish I didn’t need anything external to feel like a whole person. I will have to work on that as well.

It may be that after three weeks of intense self-reflection, I feel a bit exposed and lost, being too close to the problem, that is me. Maybe if I take some time to think of others, it will help me. I have never spent so much time focusing on myself in my life. It isn’t a familiar feeling, so maybe this is natural.