My Journey

In Between Home and Heartbreak

At this point in my journey, it is becoming difficult to write. Writing every day can be mentally exhausting, pouring my inner thoughts to the world, hoping they will be received well. The topics that are now at the forefront of my mind are ones I am still not comfortable sharing. I wake up, and my mind is off at the races, flipping through channels of memories, people that have left a void, and feelings I want to reignite.

I lay in bed for what seems like hours trying to still my mind, focus on myself, identify what I want to write about, and how I will achieve the day I have planned. When only a few minutes pass by, I realize I have an uneasy feeling. I’m hoping it’s not coronavirus and just a case of jet lag. 

My last post touched upon the feeling of being complete or at peace in a place or a moment. Today, my mind has swung to the opposite end of the spectrum and thinking about that feeling of a void left behind from something or someone no longer present. It’s like an imprint in the sand that stays there until the waves pass over it, slowly removing it more each time the water passes over until it is but a memory. 

People bring with them a force that impacts your life. Some have little to no impact, and it will take only one pass of the waves to forget. Others will require an eternity; the mark they leave behind may never go away, and you are left with a lifetime reminder. We can’t plan for either scenario. When people come into our lives, there is no way to know the impact they will leave us with and how we will react to the aftermath.

We are all experiencing losses to different extents. Whether it be losing a loved one, losing your freedom, losing your job or housing, or losing your mind being locked up in your house, we have all been impacted by the global pandemic. While it seems like it would make it easier to deal with loss, when everyone feels something in unison, but it somehow is alienating and amplifies those feelings of loss. It’s like the filter is lifted, and we are all feeling out in the open. It may be what helped me feel at ease with starting this project.