Aegean Missed

I have so much to say to you,
I don’t know where to start.
I wish we lived much closer,
But I understand why we’re apart.

We never got to speak about it.
We never got that close.
You may never know how big a step it was,
It must not have seemed grandiose,
to you…

For almost a decade,
I locked myself away,
For fear, I may get hurt again,
For fear that feeling may return and stay.

It took a long time to build my wall,
To push all feelings aside.
I did everything in my power,
To make all love and passion subside.

I’m always told I feel too much,
Or that I don’t feel at all.
I’m fine with all the judgment,
It won’t be my downfall.

It’s nowhere near the pain inside,
Before I had my guard up.
I no longer need to hide away,
It’s reduced the amount of clean-up,
for me…

When we met, I wasn’t open to letting someone in.
I almost didn’t meet with you,
Because what was the point?
It wouldn’t change me within.

It came as a shock, a surprise that instantly we clicked.
My guard came down without a thought as if we’d always fit.
It was like I had no control over what happened next.
It was like my previous protocols were removed and reset.

It felt so natural to open up,
To tell you all there was.
I couldn’t turn it off if I wanted,
It gave me pause.

It was so brief,
And brought me so much life.
I don’t think you noticed,
it was all you knew of me.

I was so happy,
I couldn’t stop smiling.
You were imprinted in my mind,
It was utterly transfiguring.

I felt the wall crumble,
As I thought of you.
Could I even remember how to love?
Was it something I was still capable of doing?

The emotion was so strong,
I didn’t give it a name.
The only thing I knew was,
I’d never be the same.

A lot has happened since then,
Your interest has gone away,
But I’m forever changed,
Because the feeling is here to stay.

I want that feeling back again,
I didn’t realize how much it was missed.
It’s not something I can achieve on my own,
I wonder if it’d return for you if we were close and kissed.

I can’t wait for a time to come,
I deserve much better than this.
So, for now, I must forget about you,
You’ll always be my Aegean missed.