My Journey

In Between Embracing and Duality

This will be harder than I thought, but not in the way I expected it. I woke up today, mentally pulled in many directions. Now that I am tearing down my barriers and sharing, the flood gates seem opened, and everything wants to get out all at once. It was challenging to focus on one topic today. Before I move onto today, I’d like to address some afterthoughts from yesterday’s post.

First, I’d like to stress that my parents were not aware of all that went into my last post. I am nervously waiting to get that phone call with the talk they would have given me back then. Even at this age, the thought of it makes me want to change my phone number. Parents have a way of reducing you to the child you once were with a stern enunciation of your full name and a long silent ominous pause. I am sure it will be shocking for them to read what I’ve shared, as it is for many of you who know me personally.

The topic that is the strongest for me today isn’t one I am ready to share yet, and I am not sure if I will share it as part of this project. When we set out on a journey, we can only plan for so much. I didn’t anticipate all the possibilities that would manifest during my meditations when I began removing some mental blockers. While exploring this part of me is exciting, I have never been so nervous.

For those who have never met me, keep in mind, I have shared more in the past three days with my family and friends than I have in the past few years. I think the blast radius will be larger than I expect, but I think it will be necessary for all of us, in one form or another. I feel myself actively making excuses to avoid writing altogether. It may be too much in such a short time, but it feels right, even with the growing pains and my inner voice trying to shut me up.

Lastly, thank you all for joining me on this journey of self-discovery and the feedback you have given me thus far. I am not always in a place to receive kindness and respond to it, so please don’t take my silence personally. Even in this short a time, the process has been mentally draining, and I promise I will respond when I can give it the attention and gratitude it deserves.

As I am about to post this, my mother texts me, and the scolding begins…